WHY Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

• Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
• Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
• L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
• Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
• Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
• Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
• Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
• Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore, synchroniciously brought such occurrences into being.
• Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
• Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
• Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
• Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads.
• Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
• Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
• Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"
• Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
• George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
• Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
• Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
• B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
• Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
• Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
• The Sphinx: You tell me.
• Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
• Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
• O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
• Barbara Walters: We'ah wooking foah this chicken to ask it how it feeuhls about cwossing the woad.
• Groucho Marks: I wouldn't want to eat a chicken that crossed the road to get to me.
• Julia Childs: It would be better to choose a chicken that had not ranged too much, as this tends to make the meat more stringy and tough.
• Dr. Kervorkian: I suspect the chicken had suicidal tendencies, but the chosen method lacks certainty and risks unnecessary suffering.
• Road Kill Café: We admit it! We lured it across because we needed a special of the day.
• Abraham Lincoln: Some of the chickens cross all the roads all the time, and all the chickens cross some roads some of the time, but all the chickens don't cross all the roads all the time.
• Frank Lloyd Wright: We have to consider the road in the total context of the chicken's environment.
• Voltaire: I do not agree with the chicken crossing the road, but I defend to the death its right to cross.
• Nike: The chicken crossed the road; you can, too. Just do it!
• National Enquirer: Chicken, clone or alien, survives road crossing in apparent Elvis sighting.
• General Schartzkopf: The chicken's crossing was fully anticipated and was interdicted by pre planned allied maneuvers.
• F. Lee Bailey: In the absence of witnesses, there remains reasonable doubt that my client actually crossed the road. He may have been abducted, or may have always been on the other side.
• Zen: Not chicken, not road; mind is crossing.
• Alka Seltzer: I can't believe it crossed the whole road.
• Walter Cronkite: The chicken crossed the road, and that's the way it is. Good night.