Here's one for the gals
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Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A. Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are
disabled.
Q. Why are men like public toilets?
A. They're always vacant, engaged or full of shit.
Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over
them for life.
Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?
Q. What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can't stand criticism.
Q. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A. 1. No mind. 2. No business.
Q. Why are men like laxatives?
A. They irritate the shit out of you.
Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q. Why do men like masturbation?
A. Its sex with someone they love.
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A. Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Q. What is a man's view of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard.
Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q. Why do men love computers?
A. No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy
in.
Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head.
Q. Why are blond jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.
Q. How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A. Who knows, it's never happened
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. Why do bachelors like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. Men will screw anything.
Q. What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A. Half an hour of begging.