Docs' Druthers

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break.

The first surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The third responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside THEM is color-coded."

The fourth intercedes: "I like engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

To which the fifth surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the conversation, says: "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest. There's no guts, no heart, no spine and their head and butt are interchangeable."

A man was sent to hell for his evil ways. As he was being led by the devil to the fiery furnace, he noticed a man he recognized as an Programmer on earth. This Programmer was snuggled up to a beautiful woman. The man exclaimed , "How unfair! That Programmer gets to snuggle up to that beautiful woman while I burn for eternity." The devil replied, "Shut up! Who are you to question that woman's punishment!"

Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a nonprophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?"

A man comes out of a shopping mall to find that the side of his parked car is rammed in! Seeing a note under the windshield, he reads it.

On the paper is written:

As I'm writing this, about a dozen people are watching me. They think I'm giving you my name, phone number, and insurance company.

But I'm not.

The Worn Out Dick

A man is having problems with his dick which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out; you only have 30 erections left in your penis."

The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that; we should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."

VIAGRA

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of
drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in
today's society...

DIRECTRA -a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on
car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions
when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA -Men given this experimental new drug were far
more likely to actually finish a household repair project before
starting anew one.

CHILDAGRA -Men taking this drug reported a sudden,
over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks
-especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA -In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged
men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new
hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to
noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA -Married and otherwise attached men reported a
sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts
after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether
the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites
store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA -Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.
Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA -This drug had the strange effect of making
men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with
other family members.

FLYAGRA -This drug has been showing great promise in
treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful
for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA -About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the
test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of
other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test
subjects into special prosecutors.