These are much more realistic Horoscopes than
usual.....
- AQUARIUS (JAN.20-FEB.18): You have an
inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other
hand, you are
inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to
make the same
mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a fucking
jerk.
- PISCES (FEB.19-MAR.20): You have a vivid
imagination and often think
you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor
influence
over your friends and people resent you for flaunting
your power. You
lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people
screw small
animals and pick their noses alot.
- ARIES (MAR.21-APR.19): You are a pioneer
type and hold most people in
contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful
of advice.
You are a prick.
- TAURUS (APR.20-MAY20): You are practical
and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people
think you are very
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a God Damn
Communist.
- GEMINI (MAY21-JUNE20): You are a quick
and intelligent thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. However, you are
inclined to expect
too much for to little. This means you are a cheep
bastard. Gemini's
are very notorious for thriving on incest.
- CANCER (JUNE21-JULY22): You are
sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are
always putting
things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and
will not be
worth a shit.
- LEO (JULY23-AUG22): You consider
yourself a born leader. Others think
you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and
cannot
tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people
are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors alot.
- VIRGO (AUG23-SEPT22): You are the
logical type and hate disorder. This
nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold
and unemotional
and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's make good
bus drivers or
pimps.
- LIBRA (SEPT23-OCT22): You are quick
witted and the artistic type and
have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you
are probably
queer. Chances for prestigious employment and monetary
gain are
excellent. Most Libran women are whores. All Librans die
of venereal
disease.
- SCORPIO (OCT23-NOV21): You are shrewd in
business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success
because of your
total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch.
Most Scorpios
are murdered.
- SAGITTARIUS (NOV22-DEC21): You are
optimistic and enthusiastic. You
have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have
no talent. The
majority of Sagittariuns are drunks and pot heads. People
laugh at you
alot because you are always getting fucked
- CAPRICORN (DEC22-JAN19): You are
conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically a chicken shit. There has never
been a
Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.