More of You might be a Redneck

You might be a Redneck if......

============================

...You own a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren't
...You take you dog for a walk and you both use the tree at the corner
...You can burp and say you name at the same time
...You prefer car keys to Q-tips
...The word NASCAR appeared anywhere in your wedding vows
...The dog passes gas and you claim it
...Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
...You own a Waffle House credit card
...You think that the Nutcracker is something that you did off the high dive
...You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't
...Somebody hollers, "Ho down" and your girlfriend hits the floor
...You've been on TV more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded like
...Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade
...You've ever been too drunk to fish
...Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle
...You've had to haul a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor
...Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain
...Everyday somebody comes to your door mistakenly thinking your having a yard sale
...You've ever financed a tattoo
...You've made change in the offering plate
...You go to the family reunion to meet women
...You see a sign that says, "Say no to Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up
...You own the taxidermist more than your annual income
...The UFO hotline limits you to 1 call per day
...Directions to your house include turn off the paved road
...You prefer to walk the excess length off of your jeans rather than hem them
...Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight
...You smoked during your wedding
...People ask to hunt in your front yard
...Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board
...Your 2 year old has more teeth than you do
...Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting
...You have an above ground pool and you fish in it
...Your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look at this before I flush it."
...The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the handle"
...You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws
...Your lawn furniture use to be your living room furniture
...Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit
...You refer to your wife and your mother-in-law as dual air bags
...You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth
...You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction
...Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it
...Your wife's hair-do has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan
...You refer to the 5th grade as, "My senior year"
...You have ever taken a beer to a job interview
...Your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs
...Your family tree does not fork
...Your grandmother can properly execute the sleeper hold