Several Jokes.....Many Lawyer Jokes

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew the rug - and the woman - over the railing."God, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die." As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. He dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you fuck?" he asked. "Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He dropped her. The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I fuck!" she screamed in panic. "Slut," he said... and dropped her.

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the
tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone,
"Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be
confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three
men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe,
"Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone
and read it, they would be certain to remark:

"That's Strange!"

There's a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn't know what he is, because he can't see.

The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, "Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit."

The rabbit was happy to know what he was.

He tells the blind snake, "Come here and I will try to determine what you are."

The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, "You're cold and slimy and don't have any balls. You must be a lawyer."

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand.
The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are
bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender asks the man: "What is wrong with your turtle?"
"Nothing", the man responds, "This turtle is very fast. Take your
dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand
at the other end of the room and call your dog. Before your dog
reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, wanting to see this, calls his dog over (who
was at the piano playing requests for tips). The bartender went
to the other side of the bar and called his dog. Then suddenly
the guy picked up his turtle and threw it across the room,
narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall.
"Told you it'll be there before your dog."

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell.

The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error

The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven.

On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stop to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

President Clinton: No problem.

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

President Clinton: Why's that?

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

President Clinton: You're a day late.