Translating Southern into English

• BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
• JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
• MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts."
• IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"
• RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
• ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
• FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."
• BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
• TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
• TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
• HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ. HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
• RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
• TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
• RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
• LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
• FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
• DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
• EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
• BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
• JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"
• HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
• SEED - verb, past tense. VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
• HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?"
• GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"